Didn't know where to post this.

[LouG]

But it tickled my funny bone, had to share.
There was a guy who was a huge tractor enthusiast. He collected them, posters on his walls, went to tractor shows and competitions, went for rides whenever he could.
Then one day he fell off one, broke his leg and never got on a tractor again.
Some years later he was down at the pub with his mates and at closing time they headed back to his place for after drinks drinks. When he opened the front door the place was full of smoke, couldn't see where it was coming from. One guy said he'll call Fire. Our hero said no, I'll sort it.
He took a massive breath and blew all the smoke away.
His mates said how the hell did you do that.
He replied, I'm an ex-tractor fan.

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[Yamazuki]

Got's one similar for ya!

One hot summer day, the Lone Ranger and Tonto go into a saloon to quench their thirst.
About half way through their drink, a cowboy comes in and asks who's white horse is outside.
The Lone Ranger proudly proclaims that it is his, to which the cowboy responds by telling him how he should be ashamed of himself for leaving an animal such as that to bake out in the hot sun.
Well, the Lone Ranger kind of brushes him off and goes back to, trying to, enjoying his beverage.
A short while later another cowboy comes in asking about the white horse, and again comments about how such an animal should not be left out in the hot sun like this.
The Lone Ranger thinks for a moment and then tells Tonto to go outside and run around Silver (his horse) real fast to help keep him cool.
Shortly thereafter, yet another cowboy comes into the saloon asking who owns the white stallion outside. The Lone Ranger, by now rather disgusted, snaps back with "I do. What of it?"
The cowboy responds "You left your engine running!"

 

[Starship Enterprise]

oh man those were awful...

OK...this one is bad, but one of my favorites.

An explorer visits a remote island and visits the island chief. The whole time he hears ominous drumming in the distance. He asks..."Chief, what does that drumming mean?"

Chief: "When drumming stops....very bad"

2nd day the drumming is still going on in the distance, but getting louder. he asks the chief again about the drumming.

Chief: "When drumming stops....very very bad"

This goes on for the next 4 days, constant loud drumming 24 hours a day. The explorer is getting scared and frantically asks the chief again. "Chief, what is going on with this drumming? what does it mean??"

Chief: "When drumming stops....very very very bad"

Explorer is panicking...."Chief, what happens AFTER the drumming stops?!?"
















........... "bass solo"

 

[LouG]

Apologies in advance if I'm using incorrect terms. I'm just a dumb Kiwi.
A Native American Chief has three wives. They are have all given birth, one conceived on a hippopotamus hide, the others on bison hides. The first one has twins, the others one each.
What this means is;
The squaw on the hippopotamas is equal to the sum of squaws on the other two hides.

 

[Wiley Marmot]

Wiley: I'm over weight because of the shrimp.

Forum: Why?

Wiley: Because when ever I seafood I eat it.

Lobster too...........................in case you were wondering.

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